October 4, 2008
Kathy

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another: unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." -Anais Nin-

I came across that quote a few weeks ago via someone I know from a different blog. It really stuck with me and got me thinking. I find it to be particularly validating when perfectionism eludes me, which is always.

The weather was gorgeous today, so I took advantage of the opportunity to get a nice bike ride in before the snow falls. Yes, I said snow. I know it's only October, but in Wisconsin, it's been known to happen. On my ride, I was thinking about what to blog today. Lots of ideas swirled around in my head, and I kept coming back to the above quote.

I'm relatively new to the sport of cycling and I have really been enjoying learning my city in a whole new light. I've lived here for 11 years, and feel like I know the city very well. I first explored my new terrain via my two feet...running; the longer my runs, the bigger my radius of familiarity. Once I got my first car, my radius became much, much bigger. But this biking thing throws a whole new dimension. I loved "getting lost" in the city I've lived for the past 11 years today. As humbling as getting lost can be, it was also thrilling and exciting to see where I would end up. On my ride, I found a new trail, which probably was not meant for a road bike...or a bike at all because I had to get off three times and carry my bike over a series of stones making a bridge over a river. At first, I was slightly embarrassed at my blunder as I waited patiently as true "hikers" crossed the footbridge, but soon I realized I didn't care and was in awe of the beauty of the nature that surrounded me.

The apparent Lessons I seem to need to learn in life are ones I need to learn over and over again. (From the sound of your last blog, Laurie, I'm not alone in relearning things; i.e. expensive fitness equipment does not compare to old tires in a big warehouse.) One thing I keep re-learning is that the most likely time for me to fall on my bike is while I'm not actually in motion. I really need to remember to unclip my left foot before actually leaning left. Think of all the lessons we re-learn about living with diabetes. I keep learning that my pancreas indeed does not work, no matter how much I will it to. So those moments of forgetting to hook back up to my pump after a shower really help remind me I don't produce insulin on my own. Examples of such are abundant, but I'm probably growing leaps and bounds in another dimension. At least that's what I like to think. Thanks, Anais Nin, for putting words to it.