March 1, 2009
Ramona

I'm not much of a blogger - and this is actually my first team WILD blog (one month and one day late - sorry!) - but I have had a few things on my mind recently, and I'm actually excited to have a forum in which to express them.

I don't know if it's just my personality, or a result of having had diabetes since childhood, or a combination of both, but I easily slip into an obsessive compulsive, all-or-nothing mindset. As in, "staring tomorrow my blood sugars will never top 150, I'll work out every day, lose 15 lbs, cook healthy meals each evening, keep the house clean and organized, wear dashing outfits, diligently watch the news, be nice to everyone, and say really smart things at work." Obviously, that never happens. The funny thing is, I KNOW it's unrealistic and won't happen, and yet, at the beginning of every month (or week, or season, or solstice - any "beginning" that is handy, really) I kind of believe this time might be different. And when it turns out not to be, I have to fight the urge to give up entirely (as in, succumb to my every lazy and gluttonous whim!) until the next 1st of the month/week/fiscal year/whatever.

I think this sort of mindset is not uncommon in people who exercise a lot, and I also think growing up with diabetes might contribute to it. So I'm guessing this isn't unfamiliar to at least some others in the group! As I train for this triathlon, I'm struggling to reign in this mindset and to funnel its energy in a positive way. I'll be honest - I feel a little behind on the training. And because of my black-and-white outlook, sometimes that makes me want to give up entirely. But (and this is the point of this blog) I have found it SO VERY useful to log-on and read about the experiences of the others in the group. It reminds me that what we are doing takes a lot of time, attention, and energy, and no one can do it without a lot of effort and occasional stops and starts.

So, as I struggle to face the week ahead and figure out how I'm going to find time to get everything done, it's really nice to know that there are a group of women out there trying to figure out the same things and managing to do them, even if they don't do them perfectly. Thanks, ladies!